Mental Health issues

General Chit Chat
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I don’t feel totally comfortable having this conversation but I am aware I have issues and I am not the only one here. I won’t mention the people who I feel are relevant to the discussion here: If you are happy to discuss your feelings I would love you to contribute but relax unless you choose to volunteer information I will not point anyone out.

I am more often than not OK but I do suffer from depression, this doesn’t just mean I feel sad. Depression is a real phenomenon where we question our own validity and should we even exist.

I know few, if any of you, are saying Yay Warren kill your self but it doesn’t diminish the the the thought.

I want to make it clear that I have friends helping me with this so if anyone has similar feelings send me a PM with a phone number and I will call you back. I’m in the UK so if your not in the UK include the international code, I promise I will still call.

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Thanks for sharing, @WarrenHill. While I have never personally suffered from depression or other mental health issues, I feel for those who do. It must be tough.

I like the idea that our forum is a place where people can speak openly. Bad Voltage is a show with an awful lot of screwing around, but there are times for serious discussion too, and I think if people feel comfortable sharing here, and sharing what they have found helps, that would be great.

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To be honest I am not expecting many replies on this topic as few people want to admit to mental issues, though they are lot more common than most people think. The brother of a friend of mine killed himself yesterday, prompting this topic.

If we can be more honest about such issues, I have depression - others may have other issues here, then it becomes something people feel they can ask for help about. Knowing you are not the only one suffering and there are people, who understand what you feel, and are willing to talk you through it helps a lot.

I don’t know if anyone in our community is particularly suffering at the moment, and I hope nobody is, but wanted to make it clear they don’t have to suffer in silence.

Trust me: this helps a lot

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For years I kind of thought that depression was just a bad form of the blues, until it hit me like a brick wall. While I’ve dealt with it, I admit that I still don’t understand it. Part of me still thinks that I should be able to control my mind, even though I know that’s silly and there is something wrong in the brain. What has helped me with the ‘stigma’ of it all is to think of it as a ‘brain issue’, focusing on the organ itself. It helped me to reason that, if I’m dealing with heart issues such as the annoying arrhythmia (which, incidentally, will often cause the depression to flare), then the brain is another organ, like the heart, that can have issues that can affect my life to one degree or another.

So, I use that term, ‘brain issues’, when talking to people. I have a friend that was all embarrassed for a mutual friend that had to go to the state run mental hospital. I tried to reason with him in the ‘brain is another organ’ way, noting that, actually, a person who suffers from a heart attack because his diet and lack of exercise should be far more embarrassed than one who suffers from something in which he has no control over (this guy had a triple by-pass surgery). He agreed.

I tell you, I know it’s an especially bad day when I have to go though the “Top 5 reasons why Greg isn’t going to kill himself today” list more than once or twice.

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Darn it, I did it again.

That must be so distressing to see your friend suffer and the helplessness that you must be feeling. I hope your friend can cope and that you have the strength to support him.

I am sorry that it took a while for this bad situation, and it’s implications, to sink in. I first thought of myself, and for that, I am more than sorry, I am embarrassed.

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Do not feel embarrassed about this Greg. I’m glad you chose to share the fact you also suffer from brain issues emphasising my point that they are more common than many people think and if we can be open things like this we can all support each other. Thank you. It would have been too easy just to say you are sorry for the loss.

I’m sure my friend will be fine, she has a very supportive partner a lot’s of good friends to help her trough this.

I’m in tears as I type, not because of the loss but, from the knowledge that there are people here in this community happy to reach out a hand to help others, they have never met, in their time of need.

Again, thank you. I hope you are having a lot more good days than bad ones.

When I’m having a particularly bad day my list is the list of people who either need my support or are always there for me. Let’s hope you start needing your list less and less.

:heart:

Warren

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Sending over the :heart:, pal! We are all here for you.

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I really haven’t any wisdom or anything to contribute (because I’m not going to pretend to know what it’s like, more is deserved), but I do hope that by showing up and nodding my support it helps :slight_smile: Well done you for using your wisdom to look out for others <3

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Hi @Sarah_Scarlett, I’m not sure if I have replied to you before, or if you have replied to me but I want to make it clear your response is appreciated. i have spent the last two hours looking at youTube videos on Depression and Suicide, some get it and are useful both for those who are considering suicide, or know someone who has. Most miss the feelings completely.

I feel I must point out that as of now I am not at risk though I have considered suicide in the past and while this may change in the future I have many friends I can talk to about it.

To some extent @oldgeek, @neuro and @jonobacon have some history with me in that while I have only met Jono once and have not met the other two we have had several conversations over the last 3 years so I feel we know each other to some extent but not as well as I would like to. But we don’ know each other at all and I am feeling the love and want to pass on my thanks

Admitting that you have no experience is refreshing . I hope you never do, but offering your support in spite of this makes you awesome thanks.

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I’d love to know what’s on this list. I’d hope the Bad Voltage Community love me is up there. Trust me, you are making my life better and I hope am having a similar effect on yours.

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I don’t know anyone here. That’s cool though; Doesn’t stop me from blurting things out;) Especially when I think they should be said.

I don’t have any direct experience with suicide but I do have a whole lot of suicide prevention experience. I work for the Canadian Corps of Commissionaires (I think they’re just known as Corps security in the UK, same thing we’re an offshoot of them). We’re a not for profit company that does security for government buildings, military bases, etc. and were founded at the begining of last century to provide work for veterans where skills learned in service could be translated to civilian life (also there are a lot of assholes who simply will not hire a vet). Needless to say the company has grown since then, but there still remains the issue of suicide and other manifestations of PTSD being ever present within the corps. It’s recognised and dealt with head on. If I even log into my corporate email to check on my pay stub or whatever I have company wide mailings waiting in my inbox along the lines of “You know you have free counselling available to you, yes? You should seek counselling even if you just think you might need it. This is how you get it, ok…”. I have a lot of gripes about my employer but one thing they do right is prevention. They talk about issues honestly and they’re not presented as a thing that only happens to other people that should be pittied. Suicide is not just a ‘very special episode of’… or a fill in whatever stigma here____ . It’s real, surprisingly more common than one would be led to believe by our western culture, can affect anyone from any walk of life, and the first step to combatting it is to recognise it as such and talk about it. This is why I commend you for bringing the subject up :slight_smile:

P.S. Btw, if I inadvertanly gave the impression that I’m the picture of mental health before; I am so not. I just haven’t had any true thoughts of suicide nor had anyone close to me that has(that I know of). Yet even if I were, you would still have my support. You’re doing an awesome thing :slight_smile:

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My initial response to you was along the lines of, you don’t have any experience but your concern is appreciated. I don’t want to go back on that because I want it to be clear that any support is worthwhile.

Clearly you have much more experience than I was aware of so yes I am more than happy too hear your thoughts and that you are supporting people with “brain issues” has my friend Greg likes to call them. :heart:

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My list is a combination of people and mostly my beliefs, my faith. So, here it goes in ascending order:

.5. I do believe that there is a devil. The thought of him being more than pleased by my taking my own life pisses me off.

.4. This one is just for me. I do believe in the promises that the scriptures give for this Earth. I very much want to see the end of suffering, violence, war, wickedness, sickness, greed, polution and even death. I so enjoy the thought that everyone I meet, wherever on Earth that may be, will be, in my eyes and theirs, my brother or sister. The promise that the Earth will be turned into a garden paradise is so appealing for me. I want to not only see, but work, making a contribution, to make that happen when that time comes.

.3. My family and friends. I do not pretend that my life makes a great impact on others. But I do know that my parents would be devastated losing their remaining son. Life for my friends would go on, but I do know that it would cause them grief and pain. And great concern for the next one.

.2. My precious wife. Taking my own life would be of great distress for her if she was a healthy person. But, she is disabled and relies on me tremendously every day. If I were to die naturally, the extreme stress and grief would probably kill her. Taking my own life would pretty well guarantee it. So, I would have her blood on my hands as well as my own. Nope, ain’t going to happen!

.1. My God. I can never repay all the love that he has shown me. I know I have hurt him so many times, and have faith that he has lovingly forgiven me. I will not have the last act of my life as one he will remember with pain.

I haven’t had to use that list for a while, but it is a very well used one. When I do use that list, I very much pay attention in order to take action, like running to the doctor, if it seems that the list isn’t working. It’s not something I can just dismiss.

Please note, that I make application of things just to myself. I absolutely do not imply what another person should do. I would hate to think that someone suffering depression to the point of considering suicide to think that a list is sufficient when they would need further help.

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I think having a list is a great idea, it’s not sufficient on its own and we need people we can to to help us. I have found the doctor is not the ideal person for me has my doctor seams to want to medication too quickly.

One organisation near me had the idea of a panic list which is a simple list of phone numbers of people who nearby, all of whom have some experience with depression. They may be a sufferer themselves or care for someone who suffers. People agree to be on this list and if you need to talk to someone you can call them and if they need to talk they can call you. About 2 years ago things were really bad for me so I called I spoke to a man and within 5 minutes there was a knock on my door. It was his sister he had kept talking to me all the time and his sister would not leave my house until she was sure I was going to be OK. I have received a few calls in the past from people needing my help I haven’t felt the need to go to somebody’s home yet but would not hesitate to if I felt somebody needed me to. The panic list was created by a local pub after one of its regulars tried, thankfully unsuccessfully, to commit suicide. That was 10 years ago and it is still going.

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I’m glad you have support. I know that you realize I was talking of the kind of list I use to talk myself out of it, but having phone numbers of loving people who will be there quickly is a life saver, literally. I cannot and will not urge a person to seek medical help. My one advice, based on personal experience, is that if a person chooses to seek medical help, find a professional that deals with mental health. I was stupid. And desperate. The way I found out that I was having issues was seeing my wife crying because I had been mean. She explained that I had been that way for a while. I didn’t know. I was devastated. Someone wants to get mean with my wife, they have to get through me first. But what if she needs protection from the one who is suppose to protect her??? That just wouldn’t do. So, I run to the local clinic and see a physicians assistant. “Here, take this drug, it’s wonderful” So I did. Big mistake. It completely turned off all emotion. I might as well had pointy ears and eyebrows holding my fingers in a V and saying “live long and prosper”! I would have rather been depressed than not feel anything. I didn’t take it long, but it was the cause of my heart arrhythmia, which I have been living with since. Also, one needs to realize, that just because a doctor prescribes something, the health of the patient is ultimately up to him, and up to him whether or not to act on what the doctor prescribes.

Edit: I do hope that my experience, which my own stupidity caused, will not deter one from deciding to get professional help. That is not my intent.

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I knew that was the sort of list you meant I have both on the wall in my kitchen. The first list my list of reasons, not in any particular order but includes the following

  • You are a single dad your daughter couldn’t cope without you.

  • You are loved by the following people …

  • You are making a difference, you can improve things.

  • You have felt this bad before, then you felt better - This will end. It may come back but this is not how you always feel.

This list is then followed by my list of people who can call if I need to and who can call me when they need help.

I’m not religious so a call to a higher power would not work for me, anything that helps you can only be a good thing. I also find meditation helps me.

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Sounds like a good list. I’m adding that last one about getting through it before to mine.

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I have Bi-polar disorder. A while ago, my mom suddenly remembered that I had been on a course of anti-depressants at the age of 4. I’ve experienced quite a number of suicidal episodes ending in hospitalisation. I’ve lost jobs because employers can’t cope with my illness. I’ve even had the MD of a company I work for find out I was mentally ill, and decide the most appropriate response was to grab me at a Company Christmas party, take me out the back, beat the crap out of me so I got a free couple of days in hospital to get me in the holiday spirit, and sack me when I got out.

I can tell all my brothers and sisters who are struggling with these issues, there is hope. In recent years, drug treatment have improved hugely, talking therapies are gradually improving and slowly becoming more readily available, society is becoming more tolerant and understanding and the law is also slowly catching up.

There is hope. It is worth the effort and the risk to get help.

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I struggle with a brain gremlin; whether or not it counts as depression has been debated by professionals. Brian Moore got there first in calling his gremlin “Gollum,” and if you’ve ever watched The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, you’ll be familiar with this scene, which very much gives you an idea of what living with this fucker is like.

He gets me most when I’m tired. Doesn’t matter whether I’ve had a good day or not; if I’m tired, my Gollum will be there. He tells me that I’m worthless, that I’m talentless, that I have no hope of being anything other than what I am right now. he turns my achievements to ashes and praise from others to empty words on the breeze.

The only thing I can do is say “I hear you, and now I’m going to go and do something else.” Normally it’s a good cue to go to bed, or at least step away from the internet for a while.

My inability to resist my Gollum has led to me not taking opportunities that I now deeply regret leaving alone. It’s led to me ruining precious relationships because I didn’t think I was worthy of having them. It’s led to me wondering — on a fairly regular basis — whether to chuck in the towel on the things I enjoy the most. Sometimes, when he’s loud, I imagine throwing all of my photography equipment off the Barton Viaduct, into the Manchester Ship Canal. Perhaps then, I think, it’ll make him quiet (it won’t).

I manage him now by a combination of mindfulness, and of occasional talk therapy. I’ve learned that I have to be kind to myself. I think Gollum has grown out of my determination never to be a burden to anyone and never, ever to give in. That energy is useful when it’s needed (which is why I love working under deadline pressure) but when unused it’s poisonous.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that. Thank you, @WarrenHill, for starting this thread. It means a lot. And to all those of you out there who are struggling with mental health issues: I see you, and you matter. And if I can help, I will.

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