Some new material to torture you with

So, you think that these fancy tablets are something relatively new, eh? Well, let me tell you, when I was a kid, I was there at the Ramses III educational center in Thebes, we were working on Hieroglyphics 4.2. I had always had a problem with spelling, especially back in those days. I still remember the scholar, as he looked at my chiseled and painted tablet, saying “It’z EYE before BEE except after SEA, you dumbkopf.” Yes, those immigrant German scholars were tough then too.

Word got to us that the high class Chaldeans had just come up with a new tablet and on it Cuneiform 2.0. Oh, how breaking edge that was. They would brag about it having an improved resolution of 12 SPI (Slashes Per Inch). And, they were so snobbish with their ‘Auto-correction’ system (which amounted to educated slaves dabbing on clay and making the correct slash).

We had a plan. A plan to crash their system. It involved a worm. And when I say a worm, well, I mean, a worm. We stealthily got into Babylon, and put worms into their liqueur. We really didn’t know what the effect would be. Affect them, it did. And thus began the university party culture. “Hey duderezer, I think I just swallowed the worm. Ha ha ha ha” barf

Thus began the fall of Babylon. In time, the city was being under siege. One night, a particular festive night in the city, one gate guard called to the other: “Hey, McMordokerezer, aren’t you going to shut the river gate?” “No, man-erezer, I’m too wasted. Anyway, what are those Medes and Persians going to do? Walk on water? You know they can’t swim with those silly helmets anyway!” Thus the great Babylon fell in one night.

But, to no avail did these events occur. By this time, Hieroglyphics 7.4 was released, but it became an obsolete system. So, it was with a kind of deja vu melancholy for me when OS/2 fell be the wayside. It made me wistfully look at my hammer and chisel.

So, you see, the tablet has a very long history.

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