I few years ago, I was a huge fan of improv show where the performers asked the audience to write random phrases in a piece of paper. At some part of the play, the actors took a piece of paper, read it aloud, and perform accordingly. Like, in the middle of a love story, just before the kiss, the guy pull the tiny paper and say “I’ll kiss you, but I have diarrhea”
I just saw this post on 9GAG with terrible analogies and it reminded me that show. I could totally imagine @bryanlunduke saying one of those phrases during the show, or using them in one of his books. My favourite: “Her eyes were like stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart”
As always, if the community would like to add a few more terrible analogies to this list… more than welcome.