My list is a combination of people and mostly my beliefs, my faith. So, here it goes in ascending order:
.5. I do believe that there is a devil. The thought of him being more than pleased by my taking my own life pisses me off.
.4. This one is just for me. I do believe in the promises that the scriptures give for this Earth. I very much want to see the end of suffering, violence, war, wickedness, sickness, greed, polution and even death. I so enjoy the thought that everyone I meet, wherever on Earth that may be, will be, in my eyes and theirs, my brother or sister. The promise that the Earth will be turned into a garden paradise is so appealing for me. I want to not only see, but work, making a contribution, to make that happen when that time comes.
.3. My family and friends. I do not pretend that my life makes a great impact on others. But I do know that my parents would be devastated losing their remaining son. Life for my friends would go on, but I do know that it would cause them grief and pain. And great concern for the next one.
.2. My precious wife. Taking my own life would be of great distress for her if she was a healthy person. But, she is disabled and relies on me tremendously every day. If I were to die naturally, the extreme stress and grief would probably kill her. Taking my own life would pretty well guarantee it. So, I would have her blood on my hands as well as my own. Nope, ain’t going to happen!
.1. My God. I can never repay all the love that he has shown me. I know I have hurt him so many times, and have faith that he has lovingly forgiven me. I will not have the last act of my life as one he will remember with pain.
I haven’t had to use that list for a while, but it is a very well used one. When I do use that list, I very much pay attention in order to take action, like running to the doctor, if it seems that the list isn’t working. It’s not something I can just dismiss.
Please note, that I make application of things just to myself. I absolutely do not imply what another person should do. I would hate to think that someone suffering depression to the point of considering suicide to think that a list is sufficient when they would need further help.